Thursday, September 25, 2008

More dad is just bad complexities arise

The question of child custody can get quite complex in same sex relationships. I mentioned in a previous post my head started to hurt when one looked at all the permutations one could think about with "what if" analysis. The one following is related to the Mindy Jacobs column and propaganda piece "when dad is just bad" of Sept. 10/08 and my response letter to the Edmonton Sun posted shortly after it appeared. In that article Jacobs quoted Rita Smith, Executive Director of National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, as saying leaders of father's rights groups are abusers.

Nevertheless, Sarah the lesbian partner impacted below, finds herself in a plight similar to most men with respect to custody although she is not a dad nor is she a biological relative, although she is or was a common law partner of the biological mother . It is highly complex but that is where we are going in this country and one would think she has even fewer rights than a biological father. Will the radical feminists jump all over this one now. Who will they support given both parties are female? It is indeed a conundrum for them so maybe they will stay out of it.

We shall watch and wait with great anticipation. In the meantime she has my unfettered sympathy. I understand your plight Sarah. It is not a happy one at all. Good luck.

Lesbian Social/Noncustodial Mom: 'Put yourself in the position of a father upon separation'

September 24th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks

One of my readers is a lesbian social/noncustodial mother named Sarah. Sarah is a lesbian woman who, while in a committed relationship with her partner, agreed to have a child via artificial insemination from an anonymous donor. Her partner carried the child for them.

As often happens in lesbian breakups, the biological mom has been determined to drive her former partner out of their child's life.

Sarah has been following the controversy over National Coalition Against Domestic Violence executive director Rita Smith's accusations that the leaders of some fathers' rights groups are "abusers." Mindy Jacobs of the Edmonton Sun reported this in her recent column When dad is just bad (9/10/08).

Below is Sarah's letter to Mindy Jacobs. Sarah jokes that she is "The Great Canadian Lesbian-Father" and gave me permission to reprint her letter to Jacobs. It is below.

Dear Mindy,

I am a Canadian female lesbian-father of a young child. You might want to ask yourself why I've labeled myself as being my daughter's father. Well, it's simple to explain. After years of access rights with my daughter, my same-sex ex-spouse notified my daughter's doctor that she had been visiting her "father" on the weekend and had been exposed to cigarette smoke the whole time.
I don't smoke, and I am certainly not a father, am I? So why then does the doctor's report state that I am my daughter's father?

Okay, I've adjusted to being my daughter's father minus the anatomy. But, if you think for one second that all mothers of children out there deserve the right to control a father's relationship with their own child, then you are wrong. You are also wrong if you think that upon separation that any father is given adequate rights with their child.

Perhaps laws should be altered to give fathers decent access rights, decent financial responsibilities, and perhaps the "abusive behavior" you are talking about will disappear!

For just one second, put yourself in the position of a father upon separation. Stand before a judge and hear your destiny.

Do us all a big favor and alter your thinking to fight for changes to our legal system to initiate and protect a father's right to access, custody, and basic human decency.

I challenge you to take the father's seat in family court for just one sitting.


Anonymous said...

welp, more hate material on this blatant hate site. as a mom, i am shocked to see this website masquerade as a "rights" site of any kind!!

Michael J. Murphy said...


If fathers/men's rights sites don't agree with your sensibilities then don't visit.

You keep coming back and spending hours here. From September 7/08 0n you have logged hours reading the material, which for the most part is available elsewhere on the internet. Why.

Go and visit one of the Women's Rights sites and see how your sisters treat men. Then perhaps you will have a more balanced view of what a site like this is all about.

We are not ant-female or anti-mother we are pro-fathers rights. We have many female members of our international organization that have seen injustices caused by mothers who withdraw their children from visitation by a father. That cuts off all extended family members from access as well including grandmothers, sisters, and aunts.

Stop whining and leave if you don't like what you see.

Anonymous said...

well well well!! your obsessive behaviour .. reading logs all day.. huh. is very telling about what kind of person you might be, that you want, no, need to make a website like this!!

at any rate, the complaints to google have been made, but i recently learned that they have a free speech policy that allows racial hate sites to continue to operate blogspot blogs, so i guess your misogynistic cesspool of lies and deceit gets to operate another day!

Anonymous said...

and when i managed to secure near exclusive rights to my child, i made a promise to myself that my son will NEVER become such a pitiful little man that he would try to undermine the mother's pivotol .. key role in a child's life. while, mr murphy, i am not accusing you of anything like this .. my boy's father was something of a degenerate loser who i can only guess was hoping to become some form of welfare daddy!

well, fortunately, i am now receiving those social service benefits and welfare benefits. as it should be.

Michael J. Murphy said...

I find it interesting and germane that we all want equality but some of you - a small minority - suffer from perceptual gender bias and blindness and cannot see past a certain ideological fixation about the opposite sex. There are no lies on this site. Everything that is written happened or is available on other news or web sites.

Welcome to the 21st century where even men can stand up for their rights against people who are unable to see past stereotypes.

Why do you think you have an entitlement to social services? Why don't you get a job? Why did your husband get driven away?Are your children infants? It takes two to marry and two to cause dissolution of a marriage. If he was as bad as you say you have my sympathy. But my ex does the same thing to me so forgive me if I am a doubter. 85% of abuse allegations during divorce are proven to be false. All of them brought by women against their partners some of whom are other women. Now she is so very sorry she lied because her story of criminal actions against my former employer, her relationships with other men and her physical, financial and emotional abuse of me and our children is available for the world to see. It is in far more detail on my more widely read parental alienation blog. It is out of the closet.
I was with my children 24/7 for 10 years after my employer made it clear I was no longer wanted because of my ex's criminal conviction for theft, fraud, and forgery against them and her jail time, which is in the public record. I was and am a wonderful father to my 2 children and they do not deserve having their father driven from their lives and their minds twisted by a mentally ill convicted criminal. Covering stuff like this up is not helpful to them nor is being passive about pathological alienation of you children. My passion rather than obsession is to open up the cesspool of bias against fathers and get the law changed to a presumption of equality where custody is concerned upon separation and divorce. Then you would perhaps be able to be a productive worker rather than a welfare recipient. Perhaps you wouldn't even have broken your family because there would be less incentive to seek these entitlements you believe are owed you. No one owes you anything. You owe it to yourself to be a productive member of society. I worked from home while raising my children.

You know what your militant feminist sisters say. I was a welfare bum for staying home with my children not a victim of an ex who ruined her partner's life. What does that say about mothers who stay at home and actually collect welfare? I still supported, my family while staying home. That is the mentality men are fighting against and it’s all too prevalent. The lady who says this site is a cesspool of lies is one of them. That is unfortunate.

Many men are saying I've had enough of the lies and I'm not going to take it any more. Be careful what you say in public it may come back to haunt you. Men are fighting back with the pen.

PS. Your log of visits takes about 30 seconds to review or less. Educate yourself on 21st century technology before going off and making accusations for which you have no qualifications. It further reduces your credibility, which if you have none, causes people to doubt you know what you are talking about in other areas as well. Many sites like mine keep basic logs of visitors, their city, ISP, IP number, type of computer, operating system, screen resolution, their time on site, pages visited, time on each page, what they downloaded, what comments they read and left, where they came from and where they went after the visit. You are less anonymous than you think. Others are far more sophisticated than mine. Now that everything is clear you are welcome to visit and comment but try to understand you may get disagreement on your observations. Most women's rights sites won't allow comments that disagree with them at all.

Thank you for taking the time to visit.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

i appreciate your openness to dissenting opinions.. very rare to see such respect from someone so obviously wrong!!

but nope i am very anonymous!! so please dont pretend you have a complete census profile on me because you know what browser i use....... im just a mom trying to stand up for what is RIGHT.

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