Friday, October 31, 2008

Dallas Area Rapid Transit ~ DART's misandric marketing approach using men as its target

from Mike Murphy
Jeremy Swanson ,,,,
Kris Titus

date 30 October 2008 13:16
subject DART's misandric marketing approach using men as its target

13:16 (24 minutes ago)

To: Gary Thomas
President/Executive Director
Dallas Transit Authority via fax and email

Mr. Thomas:

I've been observing with great interest the unfolding of the story with respect to your organizations use of children to promote hatred of men by allowing signs on your vehicles. Did you do the same thing when African-Americans were relegated to the back of your transit buses? I'm not certain if it occurred in a similar manner but to scapegoat one gender, with hatred, combined with absolutely incorrect information is misleading - to be as kind and gentle as I can. Is this indicative of the community of Dallas as a whole? According to what I have read your organization has indicated it "meets community standards." Does your mayor and council also support it? Did you know that advertising must meet certain standards of truth otherwise it can be deemed to be false advertising. Perhaps complaints have already been made to the regulators repecting truth in advertising?

I find it difficult to believe you can rationalize scapegoating close to 50% of the population when DV is equally likely to be initiated by either gender. Did you know that females are far more likely to kill or harm their children. Did you know the level of dysfunction rises in single family female homes? Did you know children do much more poorly in these environments. For the facts on this go here or to the source in the U.S.A government here. If one includes emotional abuse through things like Parental Alienation then the stats will reflect an even higher number of abuses and stressors. I think its clear men and fathers do provide a great deal to the stability and lives of their children, but courts - as do you, routinely dismiss us to the margins resulting in many of us only seeing our children 14% of the time - if we are lucky. I also adore females, with the possible exception of my ex and the radical feminist left, but your approach drives a divisive wedge between genders.

I have also read the Director of the DV Shelter, Paige Flink, who has to be a card carrying member and leader of the feminist left, ordered these ads makes with benefits and expenses, over $170,000.00. That is a very lucrative position. It would appear there is a large incentive to market her product to drum up business at the expense of men so she can keep her very large salary rolling in. Part of the roles and responsibilities she has with her $7,000,000.00 budget is to provide for the indoctrination of the clients and their children which includes the words in the ads. They "educate" children on the evils we men do, however false, much of which is at taxpayers expense or through donations individually or through such charities as the United Way. They then further "educate" the female on how to emaciate the man as best they can through the legal process. Ironically, some of these abuse complaints are false. I find it incredulous that these shelters would spend so much on administration and vest so much money in the salary of one person. Does a school principal, in charge of hundreds of children's education, make this kind of money? Given my above comments would you be amenable to ads targeting mothers who kill or injure their children in far greater numbers than men. Of course you wouldn't so how could you do this to men?

Your conspiracy, with the Director of this DV shelter, to spread hatred about a gender has spilled over to other countries around the world, including mine. It is pretty clear to me, as a man and a father's rights activist, I am not welcome in Dallas and will never entertain spending my money in your community or using your product. I will cc a copy of my letter to your Mayor, Mr. Leppert, and Mr. Jones of the Dallas Visitor and Convention Bureau. Dallas has another black eye with a very large population of people on this planet. I do note, however, the Family Place's website is being updated somewhat to include both genders. This is a good step.

Michael Murphy
Sault Ste. Marie ON P6A 6J8
Fathers Rights Activist and proud former full time 24/7 father of 4 daughters
cc Philip Jones, President/CEO Dallas Visitor and Convention Bureau, 214-571-1010
City of Dallas Mayor,Tom Leppert via Fax: (214) 670-0646
Paige Flink, Executive Director, The Family Place
Gary Thomas, President/Executive Director, Dallas Transit Authority via fax 214-749-3655

This is a TV excerpt from Headline News and Glenn Sacks debating the DART ads.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Barbara Kay: Dallas Transit throws all men under the bus in male-bashing ad campaign

Thousands of emails, fax's and phone calls descended upon DART yesterday to protest these discriminatory ads using children as bait. MJM

Posted: October 29, 2008, 4:00 PM by Jonathan Kay

The images you see here are taken from an ad campaign about domestic violence that has been running on, and inside, Dallas City buses since October 1. The young boy with the cheerful smile announces that one day he will beat his wife. The demure, sweet-faced girl shyly asserts that one day her husband "will" (not may) kill her.

The ads were created for a nonprofit domestic violence shelter called The Family Place, which paid $25,000 for 45 bus-side and 300 bus interior placements. A spokesman for Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART), which serves 10 million commuters, all of whom will see these ads continually for two months (the campaign finishes November 30), said the DART board considers the ads to be "consistent with community standards." If true, it's hardly flattering to the citizens of Dallas that "community standards" countenance unwitting children being enlisted to deliver messages that are tantamount to hate speech against an identifiable group of their fellow citizens.

Other organizations were less cavalier about them. Two major billboard companies - Clear Channel Outdoor and CBS Outdoor - rejected the ads. A CBS spokesperson said the ads could be read as "both misleading and disturbing."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It is truly Inspiring to watch this 11 year old girl's reaction to seeing her dad

If you are a dad get a tissue before watching this video as you will need it, especially if you have been emotionally and/or physically torn from your children. Read the story then click on the link below. Watch the video again...and again...

As I understand it the couple are divorced but the mom has been a good parent in allowing her daughter to have a relationship with her dad. Kudo's to this mom. You are doing what all good parents should do - let your children love both mom and dad.

What better reward could a parent have after putting your life on the line for your family and country than to see what is probably the most important person in his life. It is truly touching to observe a warrior have his child race toward him like that. The feeling he would have would be better than being a rock star in front of adoring fans for certain. When it happens to you - you clearly know it.

By Bob Considine contributor
updated 10:31 a.m. ET, Mon., Oct. 20, 2008

It is a scene that can melt the heart of anyone who has one: Eleven-year-old Siri Jordan reunited with her father, Dan, at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport when he made a surprise return home from the war in Iraq.

And the replay of it may be enough to help Siri when she misses her father again, after he goes back to serve his country once more.

“I thought that it was very surprising,” Siri told TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira on Monday. “I was wondering why he was here, and I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, he’s here!’ ”

A white lie
Carefully planned by Siri’s grandmother, Joyce, the tearful reunion was captured on video by NBC affiliate KARE-11. Because military plans can change at a moment’s notice, Joyce Jordan didn’t want Siri to endure the disappointment of expecting her father and then not seeing him. So she told the little girl from Burnsville, Minn., that they were going to the airport to pick up a friend.

“I lied!” Joyce Jordan told Vieira. “[But] I think God’s forgiven me.”

In the video, which TODAY replayed, a shocked Siri sees her father approaching after waiting several minutes near the baggage carousel. Then the powerful reunion takes place.

“That’s Dad! That’s Dad!” Siri shouts while running for her daddy’s arms. “Oh my God! Dad, what are you doing here? Oh my God! You didn’t tell me!”

The emotions also got the best of Dan Jordan.

“I just wanted to come home to my little one,” he said.

Long road home
Sgt. 1st Class Dan Jordan has been a reservist with the National Guard for 25 years, and is currently part of the 34th Combat Aviation Brigade in Balad during his second tour of Iraq. He performs safety inspections of American combat units.

Jordan has not been home since June. But his unit provided him with an R&R opportunity this month, and he was keen to take the 12-day leave, knowing that he likely would face restrictions leaving in 2009.

“They had openings for October, and [Siri] had been calling me on the phone and telling me that ‘it would be really nice if you came home,’ ” said Jordan, who works as a trucker in Burnsville when he’s not serving.

Cameras captured Siri Jordan’s surprise reunion with her father, Sgt. Dan Jordan, at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

Siri’s parents are divorced. While living with her mother, she has been able to talk or e-mail with her father just about every day. But her one repeated wish, particularly over the past few weeks, was for her father to come home.

While Jordan calls his daughter “resilient,” Siri has had nightmares of him getting hurt while overseas.

“I tell her we all hope that we will come home safe, but she knows that if I don't, I'll be up in heaven looking down,” Jordan said.

Until next time
Dan and Siri arrived in New York over the weekend for some quality time. Their weekend of sightseeing included a visit to Times Square, a trip to Ellis Island and a carriage ride in Central Park.

“We got to go through Central Park and the gentleman was very nice to take us around,” Jordan said. “She saw places where they filmed ‘Enchanted.’ ” There’s also a plan for the family to appear on Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show before returning to Minnesota.

But soon enough, Siri’s father will have to go back to Iraq. After this return home, Jordan cannot return again until next June. He is promising Siri he will be back for her 12th birthday on June 13 — one day before Flag Day.

The tough months ahead may be somewhat eased by the Webcam connection Jordan is setting up, so Siri can actually see her father, in addition to communicating with him via e-mail or phone calls.

But when those transmissions aren’t quite enough for Siri, she can still think back to the memory of her father’s unexpected return and a special weekend spent in New York.

“[Dad] told me that if you feel upset, just do something to make you feel happy or look at a picture,” Siri told Vieira.

Senator Ann Cools speaks to members of the Toronto Police Services on DV

Senator Ann Cools speaks to members of the Toronto Police Services on the subject of domestic violence and fraudulent information statistics being promoted by women shelter advocates.

Positive parenting

I don't believe in physical discipline of children of any kind and ran across this article this morning from the Philippines. I hadn't realized October 19 was the Global Day of Action for the Elimination of Corporal Punishment of Children. Physical punishment is just sending the wrong message to children. It is teaching them hitting is OK and it is not. If a mother or father hits a child what lesson does that teach. If a mother hits her son is she not teaching the son that it is OK to hit others. If a woman hits a boy does that not tell the boy that hitting a female is OK, especially if they are also taught about equality of the sexes? It can be a very confusing method of so-called discipline. Boys are naturally more rambunctious than girls and it is not the kind of lesson they need. Ask any teacher who has to manage boys and girls which group requires the most energy to supervise. I have been a volunteer on class outings and even in lower grades boys are far more energetic and potentially mischevious. That is not a bad thing but it is the way we are born and socialized. We ought not to be hitting our children at all for any reason.

Yes - many of us were spanked and for those who went to catholic schools in the 50's we were also "strapped" by the nuns. A terrible lesson for children. All it did for boys was to ensure we put on our bravest face to show all the class how unafraid we were as the nun visciously beat us across the hands with her weapon, providing a humiliating experience for all to see.

Cebu Daily News / Opinion

Think Bits : Positive parenting

By Ricky Poca
Cebu Daily News

Posted date: October 28, 2008

I’m sure not many knew that October 19 was the Global Day of Action for the Elimination of Corporal Punishment of Children. Allow me to share with you what corporal punishment is and its alternative.

It’s time to stop hitting our children.

This piece is by Maria Naomi N. Poca, M.D., member of the Central Visayas Cluster for Child Protection & Restorative Justice.

Maria, a four-year-old girl, suddenly lets go of her mom’s hand and runs across the street. For this, mom whacks her bottom for doing a bad thing. Now, Maria can’t sit to enjoy her fries and hamburger because her bottom hurts.

Tony, a nine-year-old boy, returns home from school after his family has had dinner. Father hits him with a belt causing Tony’s body to turn black and blue all over.

May, who is 15 years old, spent the night drinking with her barkada. On learning about this the following day, her father cuts her long, beautiful hair unevenly to stop her from leaving the house.

Junior eagerly helps mom serve drinks to their guests. While doing so, he spills a drink on the newly cleaned floor. Mom scolds him as a dozen pairs of eyes look at them and a dozen pairs of ears hear the harsh words coming from mom’s mouth.

There are many more of these stories from children who have been hurt and harmed by their loved ones. Children have been slapped, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, pinched, whipped, had their ears twisted, threatened, terrorized, ridiculed, cursed, belittled, etc. all because they behaved badly, disobeyed their parents or authorities, failed to perform tasks or chores to the satisfaction of adults, or because they did not listen to what the adults had just told them.

The infliction of such physical or emotional pain by adults on children because of an offense that they had committed is called corporal punishment. It is the use of physical force with the intention of causing some degree of pain or discomfort no matter how light or the use of humiliation, denigration or threats is practiced by adults for the purpose of disciplining, training or controlling the child.

Treating children this way must stop. Children do not benefit from corporal punishment. It hurts them physically and emotionally, leaving them with feelings of fear, pain and confusion. Children only remember such punishment as a painful experience.

Corporal punishment is harmful to children’s health and development. Its use only perpetuates violence in society as it teaches children to resolve conflicts by using violence and to believe that it is justifiable for strong people or groups to use violence against the vulnerable and powerless. Furthermore, corporal punishment is an ineffective means of disciplining children as it does not teach or give them guidelines. It does not help them learn self-discipline and to take responsibility for their actions.

More importantly, corporal punishment is a violation of children’s human rights. It violates the child’s rights to dignity, physical integrity and equal protection under the law, the very same rights that adults demand and enjoy.

What, then, should adults do to children who misbehave, are “hardheaded,” commit a mistake or disobey an adult while affording them respect and equal protection from torture or cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment and punishment? The answer is, POSITIVE DISCIPLINE.

Positive discipline is an approach to parenting that teaches children rules, values and good behavior that respect their rights and the rights of others. It is a technique that guides children’s behavior at the same time treating them with respect by listening to them and encouraging their participation in learning. Children learn more through cooperation and encouragement than through conflict and punishment.

The aim of positive discipline is to provide long-term solutions that develop children’s self-discipline and life-long skills. It is about teaching nonviolence, empathy, self-respect, human rights and respect for others.

The use of positive techniques in rearing and educating children will help them grow to be responsible and caring citizens as children are given the venue to learn, think for themselves, think of others and take responsibility for their actions.

Positive discipline is definitely not permissive parenting. In positive discipline, unacceptable behavior is not permitted to continue as the child’s attention to the negative behavior is called by the parents. The child is made to understand the harmful effects of such behavior on others, on property and on the child him/herself. The child and the parent discuss the consequences of the child’s action and the steps that could be taken to repair the harm that was done. Both decide on what will happen if the negative behavior is repeated or not corrected. Children say that such process where he/she is listened to and allowed to participate in decision-making encourages them to do better by not committing the same mistake in the future.

Maria’s Mom could have discussed with Maria what would happen to her if she suddenly crossed a street. Maria would not have only learned about looking right and left before crossing the street; her confusion as to where “right” or “left” is would have also lessened.

The fathers of Tony and May could have told their children how sickly worried they were as they had not gone home before dark. May’s father could have discussed the dangers of drinking at such a young age. With these actions, Tony and May would have felt their father’s love for them.

Junior’s mom could have gently said, “That’s okay, son, accidents do happen. Be careful next time. Please mop the floor before someone slips on it.” (Mom knows she, too, is not perfect.)

Let’s all stop hurting our children and begin a positive and caring relationship with them starting today. This may just be the answer to peace in our country and the world.

©Copyright 2001-2008, An Inquirer Company

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Another Case of a Mother taking "Ownership" of a child that took a Man & a Woman to make ~ Is the child a Chattel?

From the Times of South Africa , Johannesburg

Jail for defiant mom on the run Kim Hawkey Published:Oct 26, 2008

She refused to accept maintenance, insisting he was not the father. A test proved he was
Defiant teen mom vanishes with babyJudge says she will be jailed if she continues to refuse ex-boyfriend access to little girl

A teenage mother is facing jail for refusing to allow her former boyfriend to see their little girl.

The mother fell foul of the law after her ex-lover — neither of whom can be named, to protect the baby’s identity — went to court to win access to his daughter.

This month, Johannesburg High Court Judge Moroa Tsoka ordered that the mother would spend a month in jail if she continued to prevent the father from visiting his baby.

But the teenager — who initially refused maintenance payments and the car seat and clothes he bought for their child — has vanished with the girl.

The father has hired a private detective to find them.

According to court papers, the saga began last year while the mother, now aged 19, was pregnant.

The father, a 30-year-old from Boksburg, east of Johannesburg, asked her to marry him and bought a house for them .

When she unexpectedly broke up with him, he thought she was just being “emotional”.

But then she told him he was not the baby’s father and refused to allow him to accompany her on gynaecologist’s visits, he said in the papers.

The man said she cut off all contact and changed her cellphone number .

Last August, he was “extremely upset” to learn that his daughter had been born in July and no one had told him.

He immediately arranged to see the baby, which he remained convinced was his, despite the mother’s denials.

During his first visit, he offered his ex-lover money to take care of the baby. She refused to accept it, insisting he was not the father. But she refused his request for a paternity test.

The man told the court that he tried “on numerous occasions” to see his daughter, but was turned away at the door by his ex , who said he “had no rights” because they had never been married.

Determined to find out if he was the father , he hauled the mother to court in September last year to force her to take the child for a paternity test.

But even after the baby was proved to be his, her mother only allowed him “ad hoc” contact, which soon ended, forcing him back to court earlier this year.

“I dearly love (the baby) and needed to make contact with (her) on a regular basis and as often as possible,” he said in court papers.

The court agreed, ordering that he be allowed to visit his baby on Tuesday evenings, alternate Saturdays and some holidays.

Despite the court order, his ex-girlfriend still refused to let him see his daughter.

The teenager did not contest the court case and the Sunday Times could not contact her for comment.

But in an interview with the newspaper this week, the baby’s father provided some explanation for her actions.

“When she was pregnant, I asked her if she wanted the child to have a father and she said no,” he said.

“She never had a father. He left when she was born.”

He had mixed feelings about landing his baby’s mother in jail.

“She is still the mother of my child. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but if it’s the only way that I can see my daughter, then so be it,” he said.

Asif Suleman, of the fathers’ rights group Fathers 4 Justice, said although threatening mothers with prison sentences was “a last resort”, it was sometimes necessary as they were “getting away with” denying unmarried fathers access to their children.

“The whole idea is not to imprison our moms, but to send out a firm and strong warning that a court order is meant to be respected,” he said.

Suleman said he was aware of only two previous occasions in South Africa in which judges had handed mothers suspended sentences for refusing fathers access to their children .

But he hoped “it becomes more common and serves as the deterrent it’s intended to be”.


Jail defiant mom on the run
Published:Nov 02, 2008

The sooner we start jailing parents who prevent visitation and wilfully alienate the other parent from their child, the sooner we would be able to prevent parental alienation and put many of the woes of society behind us, “Jail for defiant mom on the run” (October 26).

If you are not living this, imagine having your child abducted.

It’s a terrible, bone-chilling feeling which I, unfortunately, have lived with for 28 months.

It doesn’t matter if your child is abducted from a beach in Aruba, a hotel room in Portugal or by your ex-mate.

I pray that this mother will be found and jailed.

Our children really deserve to have both fit parents as active participants in their lives.

— Donald Tenn, Fathers-4- Justice

Moms vs. Dads ~ Two conferences in parallel ~ Two Solitudes

Moms vs. Dads
Overlapping Toronto parenting conferences agree on little
Saturday, October 25, 2008

Just like mom and dad, motherhood and fatherhood scholars might not concur on every domestic issue, but they do agree on two things: mothers are stereotyped for doing too much, and men for doing too little.

A motherhood conference this weekend at Toronto's York University conveys that very message, invoking revolutionary goals of maternal independence, creativity and spontaneity -- all in an effort to push moms out of the house and onto the streets. Across the city at a downtown hotel, however, scholars at a groundbreaking conference on fatherhood discussed topics that sounded a little more domesticated:"The Importance of Infant Sleep for First-Time Dads," "How Children Affect Fathers' Health" and "Father Involvement in the Context of Breast-Feeding."

While some of these topics might sound like send-ups for clueless guys, conference organizer Kerry Daly begs to differ.

Prof. Daly, who teaches family relations at the University of Guelph,emphasizes that the emergence of these issues proves that fathers are answering their partner's call to lighten their domestic workloads."Men have been responsive to the feminist cry of the double day," he said.

"To say that dads don't chip in is unfair and inaccurate."

Ending yesterday, the 2008 Father Involvement Research Conference is an unprecedented event in paternity's checkered history, the first time that scholars from around the world have gathered in one spot to discuss the progress that men of the house have made.
If the recent preponderance of ads of balding dads nuzzling babies is any indication, the nurturing father is gaining momentum, crossing the wimpy divide into a more accepting world.

Still, experts say, negative stereotypes prevail. "Look at the connotations,"Prof. Daly said. "When you say mothered, you think of nurturing, warmth and comfort. When you say someone is fathered, you think of sperm."

While the trope of the buffoonish, useless Everyone Loves Raymond kind of dad is rampant, Prof. Daly observes that men have steadily devoted more time to parenting and household chores. "They are working longer hours, but they are still trying to find a complementarity of contributions."

There is a growing recognition among mothers, he adds, about how time spent with children is evaluated. A father, for example, taking a child to a softball game could be considered as meaningful as the time a mother might spend carpooling.

Andrea O'Reilly, a York University professor who organized the motherhood conference, said that she faced an entirely different set of obstacles when she started a local motherhood movement. "We had to prove it was legitimate, when most people saw motherhood as biology or instinct."

In contrast, she added, many perceive fatherhood as a choice, a novelty, a disembodied biological experience that many see as being inherently less instinctive. "You can step out of fatherhood at any given time,but with motherhood, you can't."

When read some of the topics being discussed across town, she sounded a little incredulous. "If I had written for a grant and I had 'baby time' as one of my categories, it would have been tossed."
Beginningwith the emergence of DNA testing, however, several trends over thepast decade have influenced the way that mothers and the motherhood movement look at their male counterparts --and vice versa.

Invoking a phrase from Mary O'Brien's influential book, The Politics of Reproduction, Prof. O'Reilly said that fathers would suffer from"alienation from the seed," but that might have changed with the advent of genetic testing.

Menonce had to trust women that the baby they were carrying was theirs;now it could be verified, perhaps altering, on a subconscious level atleast, a father's sense of responsibility. "It's only been 10 years since we've been able to prove who the father is," Prof. O'Reilly said.

Aroundthe same time, academics began to realize that mothers would oftenjudge their partners' performance on their own terms, what experts calla "deficit model of parenting." In other words, they focused on men'sinadequacies as parents--a phenomenon that could be called a form ofreverse sexism: when it comes to parenting, men are useless.

"It was looked at through a matriarchal lens," said Carleton University professor Andrea Doucet, who spoke yesterday at the fatherhood conference on "I'm Still Their Mother: Fathers Mothering and Maternal Gatekeeping."

But Prof. Doucet, the author of the book "Do Men Mother?", noted that women typically discounted activities such as coaching, or driving to sports, because they were considered "fun," when instead they potentially could involve crucial developmental moments.
In 1996, however, a landmark collection of essays, Generative Fathering:Beyond Deficit Perspectives, helped shift the paradigm in the academic world, showing that men could offer varied, positive approaches to parenting. Invisible fathering traits such as risk-taking -- and even a little rough-and-tumble play -- could be positive for a child's development.

Prof.Doucet said that while mothers are still in the driver's seat, doing most of the planning and organizing, they need to find ways to encourage men to step to the plate -- all of which makes communication and negotiation between fathers and mothers all the more important.

"It's important to talk about them in relation to each other," she said,unwittingly raising a point about the segregated nature of these two conferences.

If communication is so important in this increasingly equitable relationship, how could it be that the two parenting events with a few days of overlap cold have no interplay whatsoever? Symbolically at least, what does it say about motherhood and fatherhood?

Both organizers said that neither knew the other was planning a conference until it was too late.

Or as Prof. O'Reilly aptly put it, "We're just a busy couple and we didn't check in with each other."

Copyright © 2007 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

Donald Tenn F4J U.S.A. ~ Confronting very Large fines

SATURDAY OCTOBER 25, 2008 Last modified: Friday, October 24, 2008 8:26 PM CDT

Chief: Officers followed standard procedures during Tenn's arrest

BRAIDWOOD - Donald Tenn apparently wants nothing to do with the village again after local police gave him a couple traffic citations last weekend.

“In my line of work, I am often detained and questioned by police around the country,” Tenn, 52, of Sacramento, Calif., was quoted in a Fathers-4-Justice press advisory sent Thursday as saying.

“However, Braid-wood, Ill., is one place I hope I never return.”

Acting Braidwood Police Chief Brandon Myers said Friday that Tenn, of the F4J board, was given a verbal warning by local police for operating a vehicle with one headlight.

Following further investigation, police arrested Tenn for operating a motor vehicle on a revoked California driver's license. He did not have an Illinois driver's license, Myers noted.

“I don't know if he behaved any differently than anyone else who is arrested,” said Myers. “My officers never said anything about him being out of line. He was treated according to standard procedures. We always strive to treat everybody with dignity and respect.”

Tenn was quoted in the advisory as saying: “One's constitutional rights are completely ignored in this small town.”

“They completely ignore the law of the land, they have no jury and no trial, but they do have a mandatory vehicle impound law and fee of $500 and towing fee of $250,” he said in the advisory.

Tenn was quoted as labeling the fees as extortion, and a violation of the RICO Act.

“It's a lot of money for anyone, but for a charitable organization (F4J), this will adversely affect a lot of children and their families for months to come.”

The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, or RICO, is intended to eradicate organized crime by establishing strong sanctions and forfeiture provisions.

Myers said it is nice that Tenn builds himself up.

“The fact is, though, he didn't have a valid driver's license,” the chief said.

Myers said the village has an administrative impoundment license with a fee of $500, a common practice in communities throughout Illinois, he noted.

“We have had situations where the $500 administrative fee is returned if the person is found innocent of the charge,” Myers said.

In regards to the $250 towing charge, this issue is out of the hands of police, as the fees are established by the towing companies, he noted.

“I think our officers acted appropriately, according to the standards established by our police department,” Myers said.

Fathers-4-Justice is a tax-exempt organization headquartered in St. Paul, Minn.

The organization is a fathers' rights pressure group based in the United Kingdom. F4J has received national news coverage because of the circumstances of the many protests the organization has staged.

A charge of felony vandalism against Tenn, who is also known as Spiderman, was dismissed in Municipal Court on Friday, Oct. 10, in Columbus, Ohio.

Tenn was cited after he spent several days atop a construction crane during a protest at Ohio State University.

“In his attempts to bring awareness to the injustices perpetrated upon children, their parents and grandparents by our family courts, Mr. Tenn has been involved in numerous acts of civil disobedience around the country,” the F4J press advisory notes.

F4J members from several states are to rally at Heinz Field when the Pittsburgh Steelers play a home game with the New York Giants on Sunday, Oct. 26.

Read more of the public's complaint's about Braidwood.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Spike in youth crime in Sault Ste. Marie, ON

Read The Sault Star article then my letter to the editor following it. The letter was published in the paper on Friday, October 24/08. You can view it here until it disappears.

Council to probe spike in youth crime

PROBE:Group to map strategyWill strike committee to develop strategy


Alarming statistics that show a significant rise in youth crime in Sault Ste. Marie has Ward 3 Coun. Bryan Hayes calling for a committee to identify the problem and determine what solutions exist.

Hayes told city council Monday he was alarmed by the statistics in a council report that show 2007 youth crime increased by 28.9 per cent over the prior year.

He wants to better understand why the statistics show the trend, which at first blush, seems to be significantly higher than average for Northern Ontario municipalities.

"Youth are our future and children are our thermostat of the community," Hayes said, suggesting that the community is "not doing so well" and the problems must be identified and fixed.

Hayes admits he doesn't know whether the problem lies with how police keep their statistics or whether the problem stems from the failure of local services and resources, educational system challenges or elsewhere.

Earlier this year council was told a youth curfew would be unenforceable. Council has also declared 2008 the year of the youth in Sault Ste. Marie.

Wardmate Pat Mick noted the statistics don't indicate that 28 per cent of youth between the ages of 12 and 17 are committing crimes; the number of crimes committed are usually multiple crimes by fewer individuals.

But Ward 2 Coun. Susan Myers questioned what the city would do with its fact-finding mission and whether it would be prepared to ante up for the solutions.

"We don't need more talking heads. I'm sure there are counsellors and experts who will tell us what the problem is very quickly but I need to know whether the city will invest financially into the solution," she said.

Myers noted the attempted teen centre failed in Sault Ste. Marie and community services such as the soup kitchen now see more youth seeking assistance.

Ward 5 Coun. Frank Fata said he believes the city has serious drug trouble that contributes to the youth problem. Council approved Hayes' suggestion to establish the committee of council, which will study the issue and report back with a strategy.
October 21, 2008

Dear Editor:

Let me provide council with a way point for its road map on getting to the bottom of the increase of youth crime in our fair city. It might want to start with our local family court and then expand it outwardly across our vast nation.

Gun crime by gangs is on the increase in our major centres across Canada. In London England gun and knife crime is on the rise despite the UK having one of the toughest gun laws in the universe.

Why is youth crime increasing? Could it be related to our family courts withdrawing fathers from their children on an unprecedented scale. Most fathers end up the loser in a divorce or separation financially and emotionally. So are the children as a result. If lucky these fathers will only get to see their children 14% of the time in any given month if they are lucky. There is a nine to one ratio of females getting custody thus marginalizing fathers to the sidelines. Children do much more poorly in single parent households headed by females.

Start there and work your way up. Get stats on the number of single parent households and then relate the crime increase to where the children reside. It might help.

Want to know a way to resolve it. Get your MP and MPP to change the laws so that a presumption of equal and shared parenting is the norm, barring abuse, and watch our children do better. Watch the divorce rate drop and a reduction in teen pregnancies, suicide, truancy and criminal behaviour.

Mike Murphy
Coordinator, Sault Ste. Marie
Fathers-4-Justice Canada

RFFJ UK 21 October 2008: Activist Trial - Date change

21 October 2008: Activist Trial - Date change

Category: News
Posted by: Toon
Simon AndertonTyne Bridge protester Simon Anderton full trial date has been changed, it will now take place on 10am Tuesday 14th December 2008 at Newcastle Quayside Crown Court
Link to Map

The trial is expected to last 4-5 days.

Simon spent 63 hours on the Tyne Bridge with little shelter, this fathers day protest in June was to highlight the suicides caused by broken contact orders and for every child denied access to a parent.

Please turn up and support Simon at the trial - supporter accommodation requests to

From: Mike Murphy
Date: 2008/10/21
Subject: Simon Anderton Newcastle

Please convey my thanks to Simon for his difficult and challenging work creating more awareness of the court system for its systemic bias of Fathers. It is the same here in Canada as you know.

I will post any information in our local blog as well. He is in our hearts in Canada as well as at home.

I have relatives in your area at Walls End, Tyne & Wear and Tyneside and have crossed the bridge Simon was on several times back in the 90's. It shows up very clearly on Google Earth's high resolution mapping of Newcastle and area.

Michael Murphy

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A memorial for 29 men lost ~ There were no feminists on board this ship

Why moms get jealous when dads bond with kids

Read the following and then put it in the context of your own situation. Many of us clearly know our ex's are control freaks but this puts a more rational aspect to it and how some women overcome the jealousy and control. Many have ex's who clearly have no ability to do so, some male some female.

I can relate to the guilt of being away. I was away from my 3rd child for only one weekend when she was a toddler but I had to call her every day to say hello and had her picture with me on my night stand. In the ten years I was raising the two youngest of my 4 daughters that was one of the very few times I was away when I didn't have at least one of them with me.

I can relate to the woman who wants the Sponge Bob voice. I have Mr. Bill and I still enjoy watching Sponge Bob.

Men can and do nurture. I am living proof.


Why moms get jealous when dads bond with kids

  • Story Highlights
  • There is still a perception that moms should be better parents than dads
  • A mom doesn't like to feel that a child loves Dad more
  • Advice: Appreciate having another pair of hands to help with parenting
By Melissa Balmain

"Now stay in bed and go to sleep," my husband, Bill, said as he hugged our 3-year-old son, Davey, good night. "If you don't, I'm gonna talk in my troll voice all day tomorrow."

As dads spend more time with their kids, mothers sometimes feel they have to defend their territory.

As dads spend more time with their kids, mothers sometimes feel they have to defend their territory.

I smiled with pity at this poor, deluded man. Several times a night, Davey had been getting up to look at books. I had spent fruitless hours reasoning with him. No way could Bill's threat make a difference, especially since Davey found his troll-under-the-bridge act more funny than scary.

But that night, Davey didn't get up once. In the morning he ran around crowing that he'd won and the troll couldn't come. Bill, unlike me, must have known that Davey needed to turn staying in bed into a game. Of course I was grateful.

I was also just the tiniest bit jealous. Why hadn't I been the one with the great insight? Why couldn't I talk like a troll?

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only mom who's had such moments. Plenty of us admit to everything from mild envy to full-blown resentment of our mates' parenting skills. And that makes us feel ungrateful: After all, we finally have something that mothers have wanted for generations: an extra pair of hands.

Today's dads spend 21.7 hours a week on child care and related duties such as shopping and housework, up nine hours from 30 years ago, according to research by the University of Maryland. Which isn't to say that moms still don't handle the vast majority of kid-linked tasks -- a whopping 39 hours weekly.

Still, our guys are doing more than their dads did. Fathers clip tiny toenails and baby-food coupons. They read bedtime stories and clothing labels. And while some of our own dads had no clue about how to change a diaper, our kids' dads often have fierce opinions on Luvs versus Huggies. Secrets to a made-to-last marriage

We moms say we want our spouses to be do-it-all dads: We're forward-thinking women of the 21st century. Besides, if they did less, we couldn't possibly juggle our busy lives without going nuts.

"But we don't want them to take over," says Pyper Davis, a mother of two in Washington, D.C. "We don't ever want to be pushed off that throne of being Mommy."

Jealousy and envy and ego, oh my!

One reason we're possessive of the parental crown may be that, although society's changed, we still get traditional messages about women's roles. "A lot of our mothers, our workplaces, our TV shows still tell us that moms should do most of the childcare," says Liz Park, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist with three kids in Crownsville, Maryland. We moms can be good at taking such messages to heart. Keeping score in the chore wars

"For women, no matter how far along you are in your career or no matter how much of a feminist you consider yourself to be, at some level you're coming from an assumption that women are caretakers," says Heather Gerken of New Haven, Connecticut, a law professor and the mother of Anna, 6, and Ben, 2. "When Anna was a baby, I would feel guilty about the time away from her," she says.

And at home, sharing child care with her husband, she felt a little jealous that he was as central to Anna's life as she was. "Now that I've gone through this twice, all I'd add is that the twinges of regret are overwhelmed by the joy of raising kids together. There's no other reason I can think of for that jealousy, except for the guilty, nagging feeling that you ought to be spending more time with your child."

Well, there are at least a few other reasons.

The briefness of those precious early years, for one. "When our son was a baby, Brian gave him more of his baths," says Jessica Davis of Chicago. (Both names were changed.) She believed it was important for them to have such one-on-one moments, but "I remember thinking a few times, 'I should take the bath with him!' Especially when they're babies, you're likely to think, 'I want this piece or that piece' because babies sleep so much and quality time with them is much more limited than with an older child."'s guide to kid sleep

Then there's the matter of love. Naturally, when our spouses spend extra time nurturing our children, the kids become extra attached. "David* just adores his dad. He's his little shadow," Amy Conner* of Nashua, New Hampshire, says of her 3-year-old son. She understands the daddy worship; she thinks her husband, is "more playful" with David than she is. "But at first it just hurt because I didn't feel that he loved me as much as [him]," she admits.

For some moms, like me, what hurts is a deep-seated notion that we should be better parents than our spouses -- more instinctive, more inventive, more in tune with our kids' needs. D'Anne Gleicher of Alameda, California, finds herself battling this idea when her daughter is sick. Because she can't get paid time off from her job as an attorney, her husband is usually the one to stay home with Ava, 8. "I know he's very capable of caring for her, but I want to believe I'm better at it than he is -- even though I'm not. I think it's the whole 'I'm the mommy and I can fix anything.' It's almost like a savior thing."

Working mothers aren't the only ones who long to be saviors. Sarah Mock of Tualatin, Oregon, quit working as a high school teacher when her second daughter was born. "When you've made this decision to stay home, you've given up this side of you where you can shine as your own person. Instead, you feel pressure to shine as a parent," she explains. Which can make it frustrating when your husband is as much fun with the kids as you are. "Recently John helped them make their own version of Candy Land. I thought, 'Why can't I think of things that are more creative?' " she says. "It seems he's doing very well at work and then when he comes home he's doing very well with the kids, so it's like he's doing great everywhere and I'm running to keep up."

Who's the boss?

If we're not careful, jealousy and insecurity can turn moms into control freaks. So says Park, a recovering control freak herself. "With our first child, I was constantly asking my husband, 'Are you making sure he's getting his vegetables?' It feels good to make the decisions."

Trouble is, "the more we control how dads do things, the less involved they want to be," Park says. A recent Ohio State University study of almost 100 couples with newborns backs her up: Researchers found that even dads who believed they should be highly involved in childcare shied away from doing things for their infant if Mom was very judgmental. The truth about bonding

So Park recommends trying what she did with her husband and her son, Joe, now 11. "I had to let go and let them have their own relationship -- he's a competent man! If Joe doesn't have a vegetable, who cares?" When you find yourself hovering, Park suggests, leave the room. And if you feel compelled to share some crucial knowledge -- the latest food pyramid for toddlers, say -- try offering him some childcare lit. "That way it's neutral. It's not like you're dictating to him how to do it," she says.

Rethinking the rivalry

As for curbing the green-eyed monster, it comes down to discovering things you do well with your kids. When they're babies, simply breastfeeding them is something Dad can't do, and may be enough. Later on, try sharing your passions, from gardening to karate. It's also smart to take turns doing the fun stuff, like playing with the kids, as well as the non-fun stuff (say, disciplining them). Dad's giving the baths? Great. Make storytime yours, instead of moping. Play list

Most important, moms say, remember how lucky your kids are to have two hands-on parents. Gleicher hopes that having a caring, involved father will one day spur her daughter to choose a guy with those qualities. "She won't end up with somebody she doesn't respect," she says.

Speaking of respect, adds Gerken, it's the best cure she's found yet for parental jealousy. "Just to glory in your husband's abilities as a dad, I think, is key," she says.

Next time Bill pulls off a child-care coup, I plan to be a model of admiration. I'll watch and learn. And I won't begrudge him his troll voice one bit -- as long as talking like SpongeBob can be mine, all mine.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Being a daddy makes you kinder and smarter ~ from the U.K Times Online

October 18, 2008

Being a daddy makes you kinder and smarter

Motherhood is thought to make women brighter, faster and more spatially aware. Now scientists believe that the birth of a baby also gives men a welcome boost

How becoming a father makes you smarter.

What transforms footloose, feckless men into switched-on, dedicated fathers? (ed note: This is an insulting and hasty generalization of all men. mjm.) Science is starting to discover that, just as nature prepares women to be committed mums, it can also make dads' brains significantly sharper and more empathetic. A study being presented next month to the Society for Neuroscience by researchers at Richmond University, Virginia, shows how hormone changes in motherhood seem to make women brighter, faster at solving problems and more spatially aware. But it's not only mums' minds that get chemically enhanced.

While the biology of fatherhood remains largely uncharted, a growing body of research shows how new dads undergo a series of hormonal changes that may boost their nurturing instincts, make them kinder, more concerned and attentive to the point of obsessiveness. And, because there's usually a downside in nature, the changes may also induce phantom-pregnancy symptoms and attacks of the baby blues.

Fatherhood triggers hormonal changes

In a surprising series of tests by Canadian scientists, up to 90 per cent of dads have reported pregnancy-like symptoms such as nausea, cravings and weight gain. Anne Storey, of Memorial University, Newfoundland, analysed 31 expectant men's blood and found that those with phantom-pregnancy symptoms had significantly raised levels of the hormone prolactin, which is named for its role in promoting lactation in women. It also prompts animals to build nests. Storey reports in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior how she also found that the boisterous male hormone, testosterone, falls in new and expectant fathers by as much as 33 per cent. It also decreases in response to an infant's cries and when men comfort their own child. The reduction, she suggests, may serve to encourage fathers to relate, rather than compete, with their children.

Men become more alert to a child's needs

The two hormones may boost male empathy in other ways. Research by the Toronto University researcher Alison Fleming shows that men with high prolactin levels are more alert to a baby's cry. Fleming has also found that new fathers with lowered testosterone levels feel more of a need to respond to their infants' bawling. The characteristically calming female hormone, oestrogen, plays a part, too, according to a report in the journal Mayo Clinic Proceedings. It reports that new fathers have higher levels than other men.

“The evidence suggests there is a biology of fatherhood,” says Barry Hewlett, an American anthropologist who has studied Aka hunter-gatherers in Central Africa for three decades and considers them hugely attentive fathers. Aka men spend almost half their time either holding their babies or being within reach of them. They let their offspring suck their nipples for comfort, Hewlett says.

But they're not just the tribal equivalent of metrosexual dads competing to know most about baby slings - Aka men take their babies with them when they go out to drink palm wine with their pals.

“They have their babies, but they are talking guy talk. It's amazing to watch,” says Hewlett, whose Aka studies sparked his interest in the role of hormones in fatherhood. He ran a study in the United States that took blood samples from fathers before they held their infants, and again after they had them on their chests for 15 minutes. Their prolactin levels went up.

They feel a real sense of responsibility

Jack O'Sullivan, the author of the BBC Guide To Fatherhood and He's Having A Baby, says his own experience and his discussions with thousands of dads make him a firm believer in paternal brain-shaping: “There are definite changes. I suffered an attack of 'provider fever' both times my children were born. I suddenly experienced a real sense of responsibility, of needing to work at having a secure job and a supportive income.” O'Sullivan, who founded the pressure group, Fathers Direct, adds: “These are instinctive feelings. I think that new dads should listen to those instincts, rather than be told by many parenting books that they don't actually know anything about childcare.”

But what sets off these hormonal changes? Here the research is scant, but two mechanisms may be responsible: the first is the environmental fact that men are meeting a new range of social expectations that can alter their brain functioning. The second agent is pheromones: the chemical messengers that all animals emit.

But it's not all good news

Classic studies show that women living together in dormitories have their menstruation cycles synchronised through pheromones. Similarly, a man and a woman who share intimate space may communicate chemical messages that cue a man to start getting parental. Certainly, men's brain-patterns do change. James Swain, a researcher at Yale University, used an fMRI scanner to examine 25 new dads' heads when they heard their infant crying or viewed a picture of their newborn. The scans showed activity strikingly similar to that seen in patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms.

New dads aren't mentally ill, but they do tend to fuss - often on typically male matters such as whether the car seat is strapped exactly right. Over-attentiveness can be one problem - and postnatal depression is another.

The Adelaide University researcher, Karina Bria, says about 10 per cent of fathers develop the disorder. “Many don't acknowledge it,” says Bria, who has conducted a national study on depression in first-time fathers. One man who isn't in denial, though, is Will Courtenay, a San Francisco psychotherapist who has launched after suffering the disorder following his son's birth in June. “These hormones coursing through our bodies can really wreak havoc on a man's functioning,” he says.

As far as Mother Nature is concerned that's small price to pay for turning millions of men into smart, caring parental partners.


My brain started working differently the day I saw my first daughter born eight years ago (Simon Crompton writes). But I never felt a hormonal change. I just know that if it's constant challenge that keeps your brain vigorous, I've been kicked into learning twice as much in the years since my children have been around as in the decade before.

Chiara, my eldest, let out a sigh of exasperation yesterday as she examined the contents of her cardboard “Build-your-own Tudor execution” set. “For goodness sake,” she harrumphed, “they call that ‘easy to assemble'! Look at how complicated it is, Dad.”

She sounded just like me, all those times I'd tried to assemble Ikea furniture. It made me laugh, and feel ashamed, and - like dozens of other things my two daughters say or do every week - a little more aware of myself, a little keener to learn new things. Chiara and Eathelin, 6, make me clever. Sometimes they do it by making me feel stupid first, like when they beat me at chess, or say they'd like me to teach them guitar, and I become excited about learning something that I'd never got round to in the past. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with the pace of mental and moral challenges they set.

Why is swearing bad? How do I abridge an eight-page story into a five minute pre-bed reading slot? What does saying sorry really mean? How the hell does this maths homework work?

Of course, sometimes you don't feel equal to the challenge. The other day I saw a picture of myself eight years ago, when Chiara was born, and it was a shock. Obviously I looked thinner, and younger, but also more twinkly, less tired. The world contracts into your home after you've had kids, and time and tasks have to be carefully negotiated. There's less scope for you and your partner to chart the course you want, and you have to start seeing yourself as defined by how your family react to you. It's not always easy.

But at a time in life when it would be tempting for a chap to settle down into his mental sofa, kids keep prodding you. Thanks, girls, for pointing out my failings, teaching me that clever way of doing your nine times table, and not letting me stand still.

Father figures:


average age for a first-time father


of new fathers in the UK work flexi-time to spend more time with their infants


current rate of weekly paternity pay (or 90 per cent of earnings, whichever is lower)

2 weeks

maximum amount of paternity leave


of children live with single parent father

Sources: ONS, Personnel Today, British Employment Law, Civitas, The Fatherhood Institute

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Congratulatory email to the Prime Minister of Canada

I had sent the email off not necessarily expecting a response given the volume that likely occurs not including the spam they must get. In any event the Prime Minister's Office (PMO) did respond politely and it follows my email.
fromMike Murphy ,,
"Vellacott, Maurice Assistant 1">,
Jeremy Swanson>
date15 October 2008 17:43
subjectCongratulations on a stronger mandate.
October 15, 2008

My Dear Prime Minister:

Congratulations on the stronger mandate you have won. It is deserved. I lobbied hard in my community for the Conservative candidate, but the riding unfortunately re-elected the socialist incumbent. We did, however, narrow the gap considerably with only 1,141 votes separating Cameron Ross, the Conservative candidate and Tony Martin, the NDP (No Dads Party) representative. That is a major improvement over the election 2 years back. The Liberal finished 3rd which is also rare here.

I have also written supportive letters to The Saskatoon Star Phoenix on behalf of your member, Maurice Vellacott, who was being criticized by one of their columnists, Randy Burton, for wanting to have the Divorce Act changed to a presumption in law for equal and shared parenting on separation or divorce. That is near and dear to thousands upon thousands of Canadian fathers and their extended families who have been marginalized through the current adversarial system to seeing their children 14% of the time in a given month, if at all. This is creating a generation of children who do not have good solid male role models, and who are more prone to crime, truancy, drug use, emotional disorders, early pregnancy and other dysfunctions.

You have stated many times banning guns is not the answer to the use of these weapons by youth gangs in our larger cities. I believe you are right. The UK has one of the strictest gun laws in the world but still has a high useage of them by youth gangs. It is said many of these children do not have fathers in their lives. I also believe that changing the divorce act will help some of these children by keeping their fathers involved on an ongoing basis rather than on the sidelines. Please undertake these changes, which will be brought forward by Mr. Vellacott when parliament resumes.

It may also lessen the use of our courts and free them up for some of the more serious matters falling by the wayside without having to hire more Superior Court Judges. It could also lessen the divorce rate as there will be less incentive for the mother to file for divorce or leave given the incentive to do so will not be as prominent in a changed process. Rather, counselling services may be used with greater frequency to try and resolve the issues. I can say with great accuracy and experience it will change profoundly the social context of families and will be a positive force for future generations of our most valued resource - our children.

Michael Murphy
Sault Ste. Marie ON P6A 6J8

fromPrime Minister/Premier Ministre
toMike Murphy
date24 October 2008 14:44
subjectOffice of the Prime Minister / Cabinet du Premier ministre
hide details 14:44 (20 minutes ago)
Dear Mr. Murphy:

On behalf of the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, I would like to acknowledge receipt of your e-mail correspondence.

Thank you for writing to share your views on a number of topics with the Prime Minister. He is always pleased to receive comments from Canadians on the important issues facing our nation. Please be assured that your correspondence has been given careful consideration.

S. Russell
Executive Correspondence Officer
Agent de correspondance
de la haute direction

The work of Fathers 4 Justice and the Pain of Fathers ~ Activism in the UK

Equal and Shared Parenting ~ The Movie